Witches Haven

I Don't Wanna Stop
or
A Metalhead Crone
With a Keyboard

I'm a Crone. Yup. Way over 30. In fact if age were a car? I wouldn't even be able to see 30 in my rearview mirror. Even 40 would be in the distance, could probably see it if I put on my bifocals but why look back? The future is so bright, babies; I gotta wear shades.

It has been a helluva ride thus far. The past year has been spent doing a lot of introspection. Examining the past 1/2 century. 1/2 a century. Now there's an expression that makes you stand up and take notice.

I can't say that I was doing a happy dance when 50 decided to come to call. Took me a while to come to grips with it.

It is, in all honesty, simply a number. It means, relatively nothing in grand scheme of life. After I got over the initial shock? Certain things became evident in the whole introspection exercise.

This is way cool. I have this freedom. A freedom I didn't have in my twenties, or thirties or even through most of my forties. I thought I did. I was wrong.

I don't care what people think of me, anymore. And that isn't just rhetoric as it is when you are younger. I mean, I really, really don't give a rat's ass what anyone thinks.

I have a truckload of patience for people who deserve it and none for the rude, the arrogant or the just plain stupid. Don't ask me for an opinion unless you want the truth. I don't do the white lie thing to spare feelings anymore. A very liberating thing, that.

I have love. I am not in search of it. I have it. I have the real thing. 27 years of the real thing. Love born of struggle, of walks through fire, of adversity, of pain, of joy, of contentment, of shared goals and common frames of reference. True love. Love that I would fight to the death to protect.

My maiden years were fraught with all sorts of events. Most of which were of my own device, for sure but some, just happened. I learned that to be a victim, one has to take on that label. One has to be willing to be a victim. I refused and moved on. I learned. I applied what I learned. I won't be a victim to anyone or anything. My armor is strong and impenetrable.

My mother years. Tough, very tough. As a family, we faced obstacles most people find in their nightmares. As a family, we pulled through. We learned that family is the single, most important quality in a life. A love life will come and go but family, real family is a constant. Your parents, your children. These are the only truly important things to nurture and develop. Nothing, in this life, means more to me than my family.
My little nuclear family - parents, husband, kids and sibling. I would kill to protect them, if necessary and feel no guilt. This, I know.

I've faced the death of many loved ones over the past years. I've grieved. I've felt the loss and then, gradually over the years, my views changed. Facing that many deaths will do that to you. Maybe it is my belief system. Maybe it is some kind of Occult knowledge. Maybe it is delusion. I don't know. Another thing I've learned in 1/2 century of living; there are simply no answers to some questions.

I was once asked, who would I most like to meet - living or dead. I can honestly say
that I would most like to meet Aleister Crowley. I've read, pretty much, everything that
has been written by him or about him. My conclusion? He had one hell of a sense of humour. Not a very nice sense of humour but pretty damn good. I am sure, he is with that Brotherhood now, looking at what he created and laughing his ass off at
how pompous and convoluted Thelema has become. For all the OTO bullshit, for all the crap you see and hear? It is such an easy path. Yet, so many just don't "get it."
Looking high and low for hidden meanings, finding "OOeeeOOO SECRETzzzz" where there are none.

Watch 'em some time - with their intonations, ridiculous robes and ostentatious behaviours. See these dolts through the eyes of Crowley and have a great big old belly laugh on him.

I don't tolerate fools anymore. I used to though; so afraid that if I cut them off, they would think ill of me. Now? I don't care. Think what you want. If you can't add to my life, if you simply want to drink from my life? Get lost. I don't really have the time to spend with social game playing. I cashed in my cards. I play this game by my own rules.

I drink, I smoke, I listen to "devil music" and I don't need to justify myself to anyone. I don't care if you don't think I should be doing these things. Life is such a short time span. There is so much to enjoy. And that is my plan. Enjoy the time allotted to me.

Now? My Crone years. I am offered two paths. I can take the path of least resistance, resign myself and my life to what society expects from a middle aged woman or I can tell society to kiss my rosy red ass. I choose the rosy red ass option. I am not one to bow to any authority. Never have been. Ask my mom ;) I never took anyone's word for anything; not my parents, not the church, not my educators, not my friends or colleagues. And if I could offer any young woman advice? It would be to follow that same philosophy. Believe nothing, believe no one. Find out for yourself. Forge your own road. Learn your own lessons and draw your own conclusions.

Don't be a sheep. If you must be anything - be the wolf.

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